The Ultimate Guide To Healing From Grief
If you’ve ever experienced grief, you’ll recognise the overwhelming, emotional rollercoaster that it brings to your life. This very human reaction to loss can feel super painful, and bring with it a range of reactions that you may not be expecting.
Grief has long been referred to in many religions and ancient texts, such as the prayer for healing from grief in psalm 147. Even in modern life, characters such as Winnie The Pooh reference grief and the pain endured. Grief, it seems, affects all of us at some point, so read on to discover more about the different stages of grief, and how you can support yourself when healing.
The 7 stages of grief explained
Grief has a unique path for each of us and we will all experience it differently. Many people wonder, ‘How long does it take to heal from grief?’ This is something that is always unknown as healing is never linear, and healing from complicated grief may take a long time.
In 1969 Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler Ross described in her book ‘On Death and Dying’, the 5 stages of grief. Later on, these stages expanded into 7 with the help of David Kessler, her co-author of ‘On Grief and Grieving.’ One of the most well-known passages reads, “You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
These stages have been used since then to help other professionals to support people through their grief process. Here is a summary of the 7 stages of grief:
Stage 1: Shock
During the first stage of the grieving process, many people find themselves experiencing feelings of shock and disbelief. You may even feel completely numb and unable to access any emotion at all. This is a common defence mechanism which is designed to prevent you from feeling the pain you are going through. During this stage it is difficult to begin grieving because it feels as though the loss hasn’t happened.
Stage 2: Denial
Denial is another defence mechanism that may be experienced early on when healing from grief or trauma. Sometimes it feels easier to push thoughts away and pretend not to feel sad. Grief is never a sign of weakness; meeting your grief exactly where it is, when you’re ready to do that, is always the healthiest way to move through it.
Stage 3: Anger
This is a very normal stage of the grieving process and a common way to release emotions that may have been held in. In your search for answers, you may feel angry towards other people involved, or even towards the person who has passed. Acknowledging and sharing your feelings in a safe space will help to process these emotions.
Stage 4: Bargaining
Many people begin to experience a kind of false hope, where they truly believe there may be a chance for their loved ones to come back to them. Nicholas Sparks famously wrote, ‘I feel a loss in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.’ Give yourself time here for the reality of what has happened to sink in.
Stage 5: Depression
Once the reality of what has happened has hit, there will be a huge amount of sadness experienced. This can lead to a deeper stage of depression, so sharing your feelings with others and finding connection is important here. There are many well known quotes about healing from grief by people such as Helen Keller, which you may find comforting on challenging days. This is the hardest stage of grief. If things are not improving and you need help with how to heal from complicated grief, always seek the help of a professional who will be best placed to support you.
Stage 6: Hope
As time goes on we begin to adjust to the loss that we have experienced. You may feel a sense of hope, or like life feels a little lighter than it did. Whilst life will look different, you will learn to rebuild yourself around the loss. You may still experience sad days, but you will feel a renewed strength when it comes to life in general.
Stage 7: Processing Grief
As you fully process the grief that you are experiencing, life begins to feel less painful. You will learn to live a ‘new normal’ every day, and understand that life needs to move on. This stage sees you accepting that your loved one is no longer here, and allows you to begin to move forward.
How to Start Healing Using The 3 C’s of Grief
Grief holds a unique expression for each of us, but there are some common ways that each of us can support ourselves using ‘The 3 Cs’:
Choose - When we’re in the midst of grieving, we may feel overwhelmed and like everything is out of our control. Remind yourself that you still have the power to make choices that will support who you are, and what you need during this emotionally challenging time.
Connect - As humans, we long for connection. When it comes to how to heal from grief, connection with both yourself will help you to move forwards. If you follow a faith, then you may turn to prayer for comfort, or take solace from healing from grief quotes. There are many well known prayers for grief, such as ‘In Jesus’ Name, Amen’, by Lysa TerKeurst.
Communicate - Express how you are feeling to others. Whilst this may feel very vulnerable at first, it is the best way for us to express our emotions, and move through the feelings of grief that we are experiencing.
Moving Forwards Through Grief
Sometimes you may need that person who can be by your side during grief work, healing from loss, and the emotions that the process brings. Gareth can hold space for you to explore everything you are feeling, so that you can look after you and find the strength to move forwards. Get in touch today to book your free 30 minute consultation, and discover how our spiritual coaching services will benefit you.